he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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