so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
When are your genitals available?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
