I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
