i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
