we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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