Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
