In the future we'll all be gay
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
