this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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