I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
