I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
