There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
