I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
