i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
MIDGETS
????
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
