There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
