Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
