I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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