Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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