I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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