Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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