I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
