you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
