If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
