Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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