Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
