I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
