Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
