I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
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