Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Randomize
