Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
