I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
