No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You took a bar mat shot.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
