I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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