Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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