the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
