I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
