I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
