This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
