With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
