talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
