the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
