4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
