Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
