After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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