he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
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