Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
