if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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