So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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