Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
