anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
