On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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