she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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