I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Randomize
